"For the longest time I genuinely thought I was alone in my struggles and what I went through as a TCK."
What does it take to survive and thrive abroad? In this "Words to Wanderers" series, expats and TCKs share their experience and advice. Today, author and diplomat's daughter Marie Suazo shares her story.
Please introduce yourself! Who are you, what do you do, and what’s one thing you’re loving in your life right now?
Hello, my name is Marie Suazo! I am a Third Culture Kid, writer, author of “Tales of Diplomat's Daughter,” and podcaster.
I love being able to hear so many people's stories about their international experiences and the different things they have learned over time. More than their stories, I love being able to connect with other people and their experiences.
One thing I am loving about my life is rest. As fun as being busy is, filling my calendar with tasks, projects, and hang outs, there is just something so beautiful about rest.
It’s in these spaces that I can reflect on my life, both the seen and unseen things around me. It’s in these moments of rest that I take a breath to give thanks to the Lord for everything in my daily life.
It’s here where I go deep into my struggles and let them come to the surface and give them space to be seen and heard, compared to other seasons where a million different things demand my attention. It’s in this place of rest where I am seen, heard, and loved.
Tell us about your experience living internationally. Where were you born? Where have you lived? And what brought you to where you are now?
I was born in the Philippines to Filipino parents, but by the age of 2, I moved to Seoul, South Korea. I spent most of my elementary days in Korea and then moved to the Philippines when I was 11. When I turned 13, I moved to Egypt. After spending my high school years in Cairo, I moved back to Korea for college.
Probably one of the biggest culture shocks in my life was having to move from the land of the Pyramids and the Sphinx – walking around our small town without a stop light in sight, and crossing streets hoping taxis wouldn’t run you over – to one of the most technology-savvy countries in the world. I remember the first month I was living in Korea, I didn’t pay attention to crosswalks and traffic signals because I just wasn’t used to it!
In between my college and grad school days I visited my family in Muscat, Oman, and Ottawa, Canada for my long vacations. I eventually moved back to the Philippines with my family in 2019 and that's where I am now.
What’s something you enjoyed about your expat life? What was a challenge you worked through?
One thing I truly enjoyed about my expat life was being able to get to know different people from a variety of backgrounds. I loved the fact that I went to an international school and from a very young age was exposed to so many different nations through my friends.
We got to experience a world different from our own and a new way of experiencing life; from food and culture to architecture and language. Just being able to experience a different culture influenced me to be who I am today.
One of the many challenges I had to work through was constantly having to say goodbye.
It was almost non-stop, having friends come and go for various reasons. I don’t remember taking a class on how to say goodbye, and it happened so consistently that there were times I felt numb to the sadness that came when they left.
I didn’t know how to navigate through these emotions. Later on in my life, in my 20s, I got the chance to go to therapy and I was able to talk to someone about a lot of my feelings and the things that happened to me in the past.
My therapist helped me understand and make sense of my experience and acknowledged how my upbringing was for me. This made a world of difference as someone who grew up with an Asian background, where we were expected to keep everything in and not share what we were going through with others, so that we wouldn’t “bring shame to the family.”
Going to therapy helped me make sense of all of that and gave me a safe space to process my upbringing without being told that I was “overreacting,” or being told to “stop crying.” It was a healing process and it took a lot of time, but I was able to accept my upbringing as a TCK and the pain that came with it and take steps forward towards the future I wanted to see.
What was your experience like of returning to the Philippines after Korea? Did you face reverse culture shock, and if so, how did you deal with it?
I definitely did experience culture shock. From the ages of 3-11, all I knew about my life was Korea – the language, the community, and the physical places I call home.
Then I had to move back to the Philippines, where I felt like it was the complete opposite to Korea – from not so clean streets and being unable to walk freely for safety issues, for example. The environment itself was so different in Korea; in different pockets of the city it was quiet, and public transport from subways to buses were generally at a lower decibel compared to the Philippines.
So to say I was shocked from the culture is an understatement. I don’t think I faced reverse culture shock when I moved to the Philippines initially, because I didn’t have any expectations of what the country was like, so saying that I was culture shocked would be accurate.
Although I ended up going to an International School as well, it wasn’t as diverse as the one I went to in Korea. There were a few Koreans in every grade and one American family, but it was mostly Filipinos. So it felt a little awkward trying to fit in when there was more of a common culture of the people there, instead of everyone being so different from the get go.
One way I dealt with the shock was finding people who were a bit more like me. So I hung out with Koreans all the time. I also joined a drama club and met people who spoke English like me. Even though they had never lived outside of the country, they were kind and welcomed me in. From there I made friends and felt like I was a part of something; I didn’t feel so alone anymore. Because of this it made adjusting to the Philippines so much easier.
You’ve written a memoir, “Tales of a Diplomat’s Daughter.” What inspired you to write it?
I wrote it as a love letter to my younger self who had to navigate the TCK life. I am so thankful for so many people that walked with me when I was younger, but I wish I could have taken them to the different countries and transitions I went through.
So this book was written to the little Marie who was in between transitions and who needed a friend to tell her it would all be alright in the end and to talk about the different emotions she might be feeling growing up.
I also wrote it for the TCK who might be struggling through identity, community, and wanting to be seen and heard. I wrote it so other TCKs can relate to someone and let them know that they are not alone in what they are experiencing.
What is something you’ve learned about yourself through your life abroad?
One thing I learned about myself growing up in different countries is that there are parts of me that inherited the way people do things in my host country vs my own personality.
An example of this is being an A-type, goal-oriented personality, always on time because Koreans are known for always being in a hurry.
I grew up putting heavy emphasis on not wasting time, so I would always plan my schedule and make sure everything was in order because the environment around me applauded that kind of view towards life. I was applauded for being organized, a planner, and seeming like I had my life together.
However, in reality I am actually quite chill and like taking things easy. I'm much slower, personality-wise, than my upbringing counterpart who is always hurried and busy.
Another thing I learned is that change and adaptability come easily to me, because that is something I am familiar with, but because of that I didn't know how to grow roots and build deeper relationships around me.
It took me a long time to trust people on a deeper level to walk through life with them. Making friends was a breeze for me, but asking me to continue being friends with someone for a long period of time – showing my insecurities and being vulnerable – would feel like pulling teeth.
Thankfully I found a group of friends that were willing to look past my upbringing and walk life together. Even though I couldn't make sense of my culture and identity then, they welcomed me with open arms.
Lastly, I learned that despite my unusual upbringing, I am a human being just like everyone else. Despite all the cultural layers that are a part of me, I am human and function like other humans around me. We all come with different kinds of baggage and we are all learning to walk on this earth in the different seasons of life. We are all trying to figure things out just like everyone else around us.
How would you encourage other expats and global nomads? Or, what advice would you give them?
For the longest time I genuinely thought I was alone in my struggles and what I went through as a TCK. I didn't think anyone would understand what I went through. Then I found a TCK community and realized there are so many of us around the world. Even though we didn't go through exactly the same things, we can connect on the silent struggles of moving, culture shock, saying goodbyes etc...
Whatever you are going through there is always hope. Know that you are never alone.
Where can we find out more about you?
Website: www.mariesuazoauthor.com
Insta: @mariesuazoauthor
FB: Marie Suazo
Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Marie!
I've also had my moments of feeling alone. And what often helped in the moment was the reminder that I am never truly alone, that I always have somewhere to belong. The scripture meditations from Dwell app helped me with that. Check out the app here, and if you decide to get the paid version, you'll be helping to support my work on this blog!