"Have I Made a Mistake?" A Letter to Future Lynette

"You're fearful that God has somehow led you into a trap to destroy you."

When I first came to Korea, one of the institution's staff encouraged us to write a letter to our future selves, to be opened when we left Korea. I wrote mine the morning after I spiralled into a little panic. Now, I'm not leaving Korea, but I am leaving the institution, so I opened my letter to myself two years after the August I wrote it:

"Dear Future Lynette,

In this moment, excitement is beginning to give way to nerves. You had a little meltdown last night, fearful that this experience is going to turn out to be everything you didn't want. Fearful (like the Israelites) that God has somehow led you into a trap to destroy you. You are fighting to hold onto trust and hope. You want to believe that God hasn't brought you across the world to make you miserable, but your past experiences with the church is making that difficult.

Still, there's a verse that came to mind today: 'You parents -- if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or, if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.' (Matthew 7:9-11)

So, you're deciding to take God at his word, and stop expecting him to give you snakes and stones. You're also bringing yourself slowly but deliberately back to your word and verse of the year: 'May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)

Now, I wonder when exactly you're reading this. How long did you stay -- or are planning to stay? Do you speak any more Korean? Have you learned to enjoy and teach the younger age group? But most of all, how have you experienced God? How have you seen his care & attention to detail in your own life? What good gifts has he given you?

I hope you have walked forward in courage, conscious that God brought you to Korea for a reason, and at this time for a reason. (In spite of Covid!) I hope you have a clearer idea of your next step. And if you don't, that you remember how God has led you so far.

Continue to hope."

*

Answering the all the questions I posed to myself, in detail, would take another blog post!

Briefly, I reflect -

I worked at my school for two years. Although it wasn't a perfect experience, and it had its ups and downs, I'm leaving with positive memories. When I moved to Korea, I sensed that I would stay for quite a long time, but I didn't imagine it would be indefinitely. I didn't imagine meeting my husband here. That was one truly good gift from my time here, among many other meaningful relationships and experiences. I did learn to enjoy young children; I became "Teacher Mommy" to three cycles of students. (Yes, they really did call me that.) But alas -- my Korean is not much better yet!

Do we ever know all the reasons God brings us to a place? Perhaps not until much later. Perhaps not even until heaven. But if you're wondering what God is up to, fearful of taking the next step, I hope you too will choose courage. Continue to hope, and see what God does for you.