"If you have some tradition from your culture that you would like to teach your kids, don’t be discouraged because you are living far away."
What does it take to survive and thrive abroad? In this "Words for Wanderers" series, expats and TCKs share their experiences and advice. Today, Deborah shares her story and advice for families abroad.
Please introduce yourself! Who are you, what do you do, and what’s one thing you’re loving in your life right now?
Hi, I’m Deborah, a Brazilian living in Ireland with my husband and our two beautiful children (Lorenzo, who is 5 years old and Alanna, our little miracle born at 28 weeks, who is now 2 years old).
I graduated in Journalism, but at the moment my life is not so much focused on work, although I do some work with social media for our church.
Life is very busy. My husband is pastoring three churches in Ireland and I’m also involved in some of the ministries at church as well. And because our kids are small, there’s always so much to do!
Although we have a busy life, and sometimes I do feel overwhelmed, I’m also very thankful to God because I feel we are in the right place, where God wants us to be. I’m loving the fact that God is using our family to be a blessing to others around us in so many different ways.
Tell us about your experience living internationally. Where were you born? Where have you lived? And what brought you to where you are now?
I was born in Brazil. When I was 21 years old, I took a gap year from Journalism School and went to South Africa to serve as a missionary volunteer. There, I served as an Assistant Dean for the High School girls in a boarding school.
I really enjoyed the experience and came back to Brazil telling my now-husband (my boyfriend at that time) how amazing it was. I kept saying to him that he would love having an experience abroad too, especially taking part in a missionary project or something like that, but he just kept putting it off.
We graduated at the end of 2013 (he graduated in Law and I graduated in Social Communication - Journalism). We got married in 2014 and after a year and a half working in Brazil, my husband and I went to England as missionaries. We loved it! He was also so happy serving in a church plant project (as I thought he would be).
We lived in England for 5 years and while we were there my husband decided to change career. He didn’t want to be a lawyer anymore; he wanted to be a pastor. So while we were in England, he studied Theology and did his Masters in Theology as well. We loved the experience abroad, especially serving God and our community. Then, after a long holiday and transitory period back in Brazil, my husband was invited to be a pastor in Ireland. So, here we are now. It’s been one and a half years of living on this beautiful island.
What’s something you enjoy about your expat life?
Despite the fact that there are positive and negative points in every country and culture, I try to focus on the good and positive things of the place where I am living, and the places I have lived. What I enjoy about my expat life is carrying with me a bit of every place I’ve been, people I’ve met and experiences I’ve had. And that all makes me who I am. I believe all these experiences I had in different places have made me a better person.
What’s a hard thing about living abroad? How are you working through that challenge?
A hard thing for me is to be so far from our relatives… It’s hard, especially now that I have kids, to live so far from my parents, siblings, parents-in-law and all the rest of the family. We miss them. We miss our family gatherings on weekends at my grandparents’ house. The birthday celebrations and other family gatherings. Also, not having them close for when we need some help and support is hard.
On the other hand, it’s a privilege that when my parents and my parents-in-law came to visit us in Ireland, they were here for 2 or 3 months, which helped us so much and also allowed us to make so many lovely memories and have intense moments with them. The kids loved it. And now that they are back in Brazil we talk very often through video calls and so on. I’m thankful that technology brings us closer in situations like this and that my kids can maintain a relationship with their relatives.
You are raising a young family in your host country! Did you ever imagine doing that? What have been its challenges & joys? What would you say to other parents raising kids outside of their passport country?
I actually did imagine myself raising a family abroad. I remember, when I was younger I wanted to live in another country. I used to think about the future and that I would love to experience being in another country with my family.
I feel very blessed to have this opportunity now. The challenges are huge indeed, especially at the beginning, when you are moving, sorting everything out and then settling into your new place. But there are so many joys too. Learning about a new culture, new language, being challenged to think outside of the box, having so many experiences and stories to tell is great. But seeing yourself being transformed as a person through all these experiences is even better.
There’s also so much growth that comes from raising kids outside your passport country. I love to see my kids learning another language, for example. At home, we speak Portuguese. And this is something I think it’s very important too -- to make sure our kids know our language. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be able to communicate with their relatives. My son is also learning Irish in school and he comes home teaching me a few words and sentences. I love it! My 2 year-old daughter has already got words in English as well and I find this so nice. It opens their minds and widens their world.
What I would say to other parents raising kids abroad is to try to connect with other parents that share your same nationality or who are also immigrants. Although it’s important to mingle with parents in the culture you are in, having other parents who can understand you even better because of your culture is really special.
The other thing I would say is if you have some tradition from your culture that you would like to teach your kids, don’t be discouraged because you are living far away. Enjoy your celebrations, make tasty recipes, and teach your kids more about your culture. This will be very special for them and give them a taste of your/their country.
How has living abroad/moving around impacted your spiritual journey?
I've been challenged to trust God even more since I left Brazil and went to England. Even when things didn’t seem to be working the way I wanted or had planned, I then realised that my faith was deepened and my trust in God increased. It’s so easy to trust God when things are happening in a way we would like them to happen, when everything is comfortable and when our plans are fulfilled. But when our plans are frustrated, that’s when trust in God is a challenge.
I remember when my husband and I left England after 2 years and went to Brazil to apply again for another 2 years as missionaries in England, but our visa application was refused. There was no reason for that to happen; we did everything like the first time. But even when we appealed, they said no. My husband and I were so disappointed, so frustrated and just couldn’t understand why our visa application was being refused. After praying about it and asking God for direction, we decided to try to go for a new application. And then, it happened. We were approved! It happened in God’s time not in ours.
Another similar situation happened when we were waiting for our visa to come to Ireland. The waiting process was so long! We were living between my parent’s and my in-law’s house for 1 and a half years and just couldn’t wait to have everything sorted and have our own place, our routine and so on. That took a lot of patience and trust. Now, when I look back I’m so thankful for the way God guided my life and it gives me strength for when I face new challenges.
I like this often-quoted paragraph, from the writer Ellen G. White, that says: “We have nothing to fear for the future, except as we shall forget the way the Lord has led us, and His teaching in our past history.”
What is something you’ve learned about yourself through your travels/life abroad?
I’ve learned that I’m much more impatient than I thought I was. Throughout all the waiting periods it hasn't been easy, but there has been so much growth for me and for my family.
It can sound a bit obvious, but I’ve also learned that I can’t manage it all by myself. Raising a family abroad, far from relatives, looking after my family, the house and also doing so many other projects and things it’s very challenging and it can get quite heavy sometimes.
But I know I can always trust God and ask Him for help. Even in the small things and details He’s always by my side, either easing the situation a bit or giving me strength to face the challenges of every day.
How would you encourage other expats and global nomads? Or, what advice would you give them?
Living abroad has opened up my mind to so many things. It is definitely an experience worth having and I would certainly encourage those who are planning to go for an experience abroad.
For those already living outside their passport country, what I would say is: no place in this world will be perfect. Everywhere you go there will always be something you could change to make it better. There will always be something you are not so happy and comfortable about.
But before we move to a perfect place (which I believe is Heaven, when Jesus returns and takes us home with Him), let’s focus on the positive things from the place we are living and fill our hearts with joy. This way we can make the place where we live a bit brighter, even on cloudy and rainy days...which is very common here in Ireland!
Where can we find out more about you?
You can find me on Instagram - @deborahlessa - or e-mail: deborahlessa7@gmail.com
Thank you for sharing with us, Deborah!
Can you relate to her story or advice? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below, and subscribe to the blog to stay up to date with Words for Wanderers!
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